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Sep 16, 2013

Dear Esther,
I am a Christian and try to follow Christ as best as I can with His help. But now I am sick of my life and just want to give-up. I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t even know where to start here. I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere! I don’t want to sound like I am paranoid, but it seems that most people view me as a joke. Since I moved here from Brazil four years ago, I haven’t been able to make one single friend. I try to be as nice as I can to people, but it doesn’t matter. I am a shy person, but I compliment people mostly when they pass by me, I talk to them when they talk to me and occasionally I will start conversations.

Still I don’t have any friends, just a few acquaintances. I’ve been in and out of churches and I might as well be a shadow. I’ve been looking for a church for a while and I am very discouraged by what I see. I know I sound overly critical but it seems almost impossible to find a church that follows the Bible completely, not to mention all the cliques in these churches. My family and I have been visiting a church for three weeks now and to be fair, they seem to have sound doctrine, the pastor is really nice and people shook hands with us during the service.

But not finding friends and the right church for me are the least of my problems. My husband was diagnosed with liver cancer nearly two months ago. He has two large tumors that they’re trying to downsize through chemoembolization so that he can go on a transplant list. We have a three-year-old child together. He had the first of his treatments done three weeks ago and it took a toll on him and on me, too. I have to be strong to help him and take care of my daughter without anyone else to help.

All of my family lives in my home country and I am not really close to my husband’s family who are from here. He is not very close to them, either. We don’t fight with them or anything but we’re just not close. I am scared as to the possibilities of what is going to happen to my husband (thank God he is a Christian too), but I don’t want him to die! I don’t want to be a widow and raise my daughter without her father.

I know God is taking care of us and that we will always suffer bad things in this fallen world but all of this put together seems like too much for me to bear. I know this is extremely selfish and cowardly, but I am at a point where I almost don’t care. If I kill myself will I go to hell? I would gladly take my husband’s place and have those tumors in me but I can’t do that. I don’t want to stay here and see what is going to happen. I don’t want to stay in a place where pretty much no one other than God cares about me.

I know how important it is to know that God loves me and I am glad He does, but He wants us to have fellowship with others. How can I have fellowship with other Christians if I haven’t found any who want to fellowship with me?

You’ll probably think that maybe I am not telling everything, that I must do something to push people off, but I have a clear conscience about this.

Also, this world is so disgusting and filled with evil. I am tired of it!

Please pray for my husband and daughter.

Anguished

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Dear Anguished,
I am so sorry to hear you are having so many difficulties. You are in the midst of a serious crisis and with everything else you have described it is no wonder you feel like giving-up. Sometimes a person can reach a point of total despair regardless of strong faith. Please spend some time reading the book of Psalms, especially Psalm 91. And please remember, Romans 8:28:

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

Even when life seems unbearable, our Lord and Savior is more than able to change things. Please don’t lose hope. You are loved more than you realize. Jesus is the Great Physician. Cling to Him like never before. Don’t let the devil or your own tired mind convince you that life is not worth living. You can, and will have the joy of the Lord again. (Since your first email you have followed-up to say):

Hi dear Esther,

I am doing better. You’re right about helping others and taking the focus off of our selves (in your posted letters). On labor day my husband and I went to a county fair to help a couple of people on a evangelism booth where we gave out tracts, Bibles and other Christian literature. It was a good experience, better than I was expecting.

Today my daughter went to school for the first time, and that also makes me happy for her that she’s around other children her age to play with. On September 10th, my husband will have a procedure where they'll put a catheter in his heart because they need to evaluate it and see if it is good condition to endure the liver transplant. So please pray for that.

On one side, I really don’t want to kill myself because I feel very guilty about leaving my daughter and my husband at a time they really need me, but on the other hand, there are days I feel a little desperate, like on the day I wrote you first. If I knew for sure I wouldn’t go to hell because of it, I would consider it more seriously.

I am from Brazil. I can understand English pretty well. I love to read things that interest me and since 2011, when I found out about Raptureready.com. I read most all of the articles on the website. I found this website at a great time in my Christian walk, when I had just recommitted myself to the Lord, abandoning many wrong things that I used to do.

It hasn’t been all bad living here. I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was a child, but then I backslid during my teens but returned when I was 19. From that point up to September 2011, I lived a Christian life that was lukewarm. I was really going through the motions of Christianity, just trying to be a good person and not to commit any “big sins.”

Then I had a wake-up call two years ago that drew me much closer to the Lord. Because I don’t have friends or family here other than my husband and daughter, I started really spending time with God, praying, reading my Bible and worshiping Him. I know He is faithful and no matter what happens it will all be for His glory but sometimes when I take my focus off of Him I feel like I’ve been punched in my stomach and like there’s no hope. Anyway, I’ve said a lot, thanks for reading my ranting and for caring. God keep blessing you and giving you His wisdom.

Dear Readers,

I decided to share much of this dear lady’s correspondence because it covers some ongoing issues that so many people write to me about. So I will proceed with my response.

Esther

Dear Anguished,

I am happy to hear you had a good experience witnessing to others. I am sorry you are hurting so badly. Sometimes it really does feel like we are so alone that nothing is worth living for—even those closest to us. But this is a way the enemy (the devil) tries to use his wicked influence over our lives. If he can cause us to feel debilitated we cannot do the work that God has called us to do and lead others to Christ.

The situation with your husband is very serious and of course you want him to live, yet you know his prognosis could be very grim. The thought of raising your daughter alone without him in a world that is so wicked is a scary prospect. But you have an advantage. You have Jesus, and He will help you.

The fact that you have had a string of negative situations trying to make Christian friends is enough to send a person into isolation. Now as bad as you are feeling, can you imagine what it would be like for your daughter to suddenly not have her mother because she took her own life? That would leave a terrible testimony and she could possibly reject God for the rest of her life. After all, if her own mother could not trust and wait on the Lord, why should she? Your daughter is a gift from God. He has entrusted you to take care of her and place her well-being above your own. The Lord will faithfully continue to take you through this time of uncertainty and despair.

“For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:15-16).

You sound like a very intelligent and wonderful lady who has been beaten down by the cruelty of this world. Once we are truly saved the devil knows he cannot have us. So his method of operation then is to try to convince us that God does not love us, that He does not care a bit about us and that life is always going to be miserable, no matter what. It doesn’t help to have so many negative church and people experiences. Too many professing Christians behave selfishly, even cruelly toward others, so much so that we must wonder what they are really all about and what spirit is operating within them.

“But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!” (2 Timothy 3:1-7)

From what you are sharing now, it sounds like you are getting a bit of relief from the overwhelming issues surrounding you. If you would re-read your entire correspondence to me you will be reminded of the positive developments to some of your concerns and they should not be taken lightly. Progress is being made.

Let’s go back to your salvation and your relationship with Christ. You have expressed how you came to a point where you stopped living a “lukewarm” life and seriously started your walk with the Lord. As painful and lonely as it has been, it seems that God knew what you needed to draw you closer to Him—to bring you to greater maturity in the Lord.

If you had been given the warm response that you deserve from others you may not have gotten to the point of strengthening your relationship with God, and getting really serious about your faith. So that is a huge accomplishment. In your pain and loneliness you drew closer to the Lord solidifying your relationship with Him.

“Draw near to God and He will draw near to you” (James 4:8a).

By being faithful it sounds like some doors are beginning to open up. Your husband is being given the medical help he needs and even with his very serious condition he is still able to participate in life. Your daughter is embarking on a new adventure with other young children, which is surely helpful during this challenging time. Your family is visiting a church that sounds promising. Even in the midst of this crisis you and your husband went out to witness to others. This shows great faithfulness even in the middle of a family crisis.

Let’s get back to the feeling of overwhelming despair and apathy that would take you to the point of possible suicide. The teachings in the Bible assure us that when we are truly saved, we cannot lose our salvation. A saved person can reach a point of great despair to the point of snapping. Sometimes the hardships and burdens of this world are too much, and as you mention you are tired of this “disgusting evil world.” I say, “Amen” to that. It is a very wicked place.

I would not take the chance of committing suicide even with the assurance of eternal salvation. No one can speak for God and what happens to those who commit suicide. When we get to such a low-point it is always so we can reach up—to Him, and take a few more steps forward, growing and maturing in our faith.

Please focus on all the blessings you do have. Your little girl is healthy, your husband is saved and it sounds like you have a good relationship. You are beginning to make friends and perhaps you have found a good church where you can get involved. Another thing to keep in mind is that we are in the closing days of world history, as we know it. This world is headed for judgment and we must keep our hearts and minds focused on what we can do for the Lord while there is still time .The reality of the coming Tribulation should be enough to motivate all believers to try to warn others.

In your case, no matter what happens with your husband, when it is his time to leave this earth, you will still have the Lord to guide you. You will only be separated for a short time until you are reunited with him in heaven. He may live longer than the doctors might think. Only God knows, but because you are a child of God He is not going to leave you or forsake you. It is in our darkest hours that we often grow the most, when our faith is shaken. We must trust the Lord that His timing is the right timing.

“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father” (Romans 8:15).

From what I have gleaned from our correspondence, I have confidence that you will be able to handle whatever the future holds. Spend each day in prayer and immersed in the Word of God. Continue to take your faith very seriously despite the outward circumstances. Make Bible study a regular part of your day. It is by reading the Word of God that we are strengthened and our thinking is elevated to a level where we see this life and all its injustices as temporary. Eternity is a very, very long time. The time we have here on this earth is very short.

Contemplate often on the fact that God has promised all believers a future so incredible that we cannot even comprehend how amazing it will be. While we are in our flesh we can become bogged down by the cares and heartaches of this world. We are faced with trails and tribulations as you are, but the day is coming soon, when you will be standing before our Lord free of this dark corrupt world.

Dear friend, you are a precious woman and I will pray that God will bring some godly people into your life—those who are also truly committed to the Lord. And be encouraged, the many disturbing things you see in this godless world are sure signs that our redemption draws near. Don’t let the enemy distract you. Continue to cast your concerns upon Him and He will work out the details.

“Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses” (1 Timothy 6:12).

In these last days, think of life as a running the final lap in a long race. You can see the finish line ahead. You are almost there. And Jesus is waiting for you, rooting for you. He is cheering you on. He gave His life for you so you could live eternally with Him, so when you reach the finish line, and then stand before Him, you will hear him say, “Well done good an faithful servant.” You are already a champion in Christ and totally sufficient in His redemptive power of atonement. People can always let us down, but God will never let us down.

Christ’s love (agape love) for us is incomparable and greater than any other love. Whatever happens in your life, as long as you are faithful and have the right heart intent, you will not regret the time you gave Him to accomplish your earthly mission here on this earth. Your daughter is a treasure, and your husband is a blessing. I am praying with you for them that His perfect will shall prevail in each of their lives. Rejoice knowing your eternity is with the Lord—in your true home—prepared by the One who gave Himself for you.

Serving Him as you and your husband did at the county fair, handing out Bibles and Bible tracts, ministering to the lost, is the greatest calling. By witnessing to others and leading the unsaved to Christ, you are obediently fulfilling the command that the Lord gave to all believers.

“Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen” (Matthew 28:19-20).

We need you, and God needs you to continue leading others to Him. Trust Him now with all your heart and whatever happens, know that God will carry you. When we are committed to the Lord, even when our lives appear to be chaotic, the Lord has a definite order and a plan for our lives.

Our trials in this world are not true evidence of our spiritual position and we are loved by God Almighty even if the entire world hates us with deep passion. Always remember we are totally victorious even when we appear to be emotionally crippled. It is by our spiritual position in Christ that we will rise above the negative effects of our natural circumstances.

Please keep in touch with me and know that you have many friends at Rapture Ready. Todd Strandberg, sole founder and owner of Rapture Ready started this site long ago so other believers could fellowship together, and of course reach out to the unsaved and warn of the coming Tribulation. The Lord gave Todd a calling, and his website has grown tremendously to the number one spot for Bible Prophecy. One man’s hard work and obedience to God has blessed and made a difference for so many others. His staff of course assists greatly, but he followed through on his calling—leading the way for the site’s success. Please consider yourself part of our Rapture Ready family. And whatever work you do for the Lord can also grow in a great way. I know you have it in you to touch many lives. (By the way, your English is excellent.)

I am only an email away and as you know, even if I cannot write back immediately, I will get back to you as soon as I can. And you can always rejoice in your victory in Christ. You are saved! You have a glorious future ahead of you. Imagine those who are not saved, and the horrific future they face. We must keep our minds focused on our soon to come, blessed eternal reality with our Lord. And in the meantime, do all we can to bring others to a saving faith in Christ—while there is still time.

In God’s love,

Esther

“And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”

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Zechariah 12:3,9:
And in that day will I make Jerusalem a burdensome stone for all people; And it shall come to pass in that day, that I will seek to destroy all the nations that come against Jerusalem.
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