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This week we start with a quick series of back and forth correspondence with Gina leading to a final response:
Hi Esther,

I am a Christian woman who has been in a relationship with a man for 11 years. For the past couple of years, I have felt a strong urging from the Lord to end my adultery. We are not married. I love this man with all my heart and I believe he loves me, too. I explained to him that I could not have relations with him unless we were married. He seemed not ready for that commitment.

I had prayed that the Lord would make a way for me to end this adultery. I guess I was hoping He would stir my boyfriend’s heart into making a commitment. Two weeks ago, I learned that my boyfriend had been seeing another woman for the past year. I was heartbroken. But I remembered my prayer. I believe God was trying to tell me something about my relationship. I had my answer. This man was not the one for me. Here’s the problem. My boyfriend has now ended his relationship with the other woman, says he loves me and wants to be with me but no talk of marriage yet.

Esther, I love him so much, but I love God more. I feel like my boyfriend is going to ask me to marry him. I’m just not sure about this. I have forgiven him for his behavior. But I feel that God wants me to choose a different path. How do I know for sure? Please understand we are not young. I am 51 and he is 62. Please help!

Dear Gina,

I just read over your letter. I am so sorry for all of this. I am going to pray about your situation and give you the best response I can. One thing I would suggest right away: Please don’t fall back into your old comfort zone and let him into your bed. It doesn’t matter what went on before. Even if he asks you to marry him, don’t sleep with him without a strong marriage covenant. Is he a believer? If you feel God is leading you to choose a different path, keep praying about it. Also, 51, is not old and you have many wonderful years ahead of you that you can use to fulfill God’s purpose for your life.

Much love,

Esther


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Thanks Esther,
Yes, he is a believer although a little misguided about some things. He is a kind, giving man. I am standing firm on MY beliefs however and will not have relations with him unless we are married. At this point, though, I’m just not sure if that is the direction that God wants me to go. Thank you for your prayers and your kinds words. I love the website. I read it daily.

Gina


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Dear Gina,
Just a quick note to tell you I am still praying about your situation. It sounds like you might want to move on, but maybe not. Everything is in God’s timing. I think it is wonderful that you are standing your ground. And thank you for your kind words. I care about you and want you to make the right decision. May this be the year you have total peace about any decision you make about your man and your life.

God bless you,

Esther

“The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold” (Psalm 28:7).


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Thank you Esther,
Nothing much has changed. My boyfriend went out of town for the holidays. He goes every year and I usually go with him, but not this time. I have been praying about this constantly. I do love him very much. He says he is heartbroken because of how he hurt me. I want to believe him, but just not ready to yet. I have actually been praying more for him than myself. I know he is going through some thing and I want the Lord to help him. I am actually at peace about this now. But I am standing my ground. I want a relationship with him, but I want the right kind of relationship.

I want to be married and I want our union to be blessed by God so that we become one. I want a relationship based on trust. And right now, I don’t have that. I know he loves me. I will be patient, forgiving and kind. I have turned the matter over to God and will press on. I feel that if this is what God wants for me then it will happen. I TRUST GOD! He will direct my path. My life will still be great no matter what happens! Thank you so much for just listening to me and praying for me.

With Love in Christ,

Gina


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Hi Gina,
I have posted our short series of letters regarding your dilemma. Of course the details are not the same, but many people are in similar situations as yours and hopefully sharing your story will benefit many others. In your most recent letter it is evident that you have gotten much stronger in a short time. You are right to give your entire situation over to the Lord. The one thing I do want to discuss briefly is “love.” That is a loaded word these days. You say you, “love your boyfriend very much” and you “know he loves you.” Okay, chemistry (feelings), they are very important, but not enough to make a relationship thrive -- as you have painfully found out. And then there is the issue of trust. Thus far, this man has not shown you that you can trust him. Love and trust can be identified by the actions of a person─by their character. We must pay attention t o a person’s actions, not only their words.

It is good that he is heartbroken for hurting you. But let’s put “feelings” aside for a moment and get to the core issue where God’s principles have been placed outside your relationship for 11 years. It sounds like you have repented for your part, but unless your boyfriend truly repents, has a real conversion experience and has a deliberate change of heart and mind to serve the Lord, I am concerned that your relationship will have even greater problems. Remember what Jesus said in this parable:

“And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; or else the new wine will burst the wineskins and be spilled, and the wineskins will be ruined. But new wine must be put into new wineskins, and both are preserved” (Luke 5:37-3 .

If he were not a professing believer (even a misguided one) I would have a bit more pity for him. Your wonderful forgiving heart is as it should be. But that does not mean you have to compromise your self, your life and your relationship with the Lord to fuel this man’s commitment phobia.

Have you ever really considered the full-intensity of all of this? He has not made a commitment to you and he has also not made a commitment to God. Not really. It sounds like he is a lukewarm believer at best, and we know what Scripture tells us about that:

“I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth” (Revelation 3:15-16).

His relationship with both of you and God has been self-serving, I am sorry to point out. You mention that he is “giving.” But not the way that you really need or the way God expects men to be (as godly husbands). He is 62 and if he has not made a marriage commitment to you after 11 years and is still hesitating, I would encourage you to continue to seriously rethink this entire situation. And the trust issue is extremely fragile. Having intimate relations with another woman for a year is outrageous, brutally deceptive and totally selfish.

You sound like a very dear and kind person. It is one thing to be forgiving, but another to be foolish and be taken advantage of. It sounds like you have grown a lot through this experience and are ready to make your relationship with the Lord, number one. I am grieved by how many letters I get from women who are married and unmarried and their husbands or boyfriends are not spiritually leading the relationship the way the Lord has instructed men to do.

The bottom line is this: You must weigh the emotional “love” or the existing compromised “love” against what the basis of your relationship truly rests on. I did have one woman write recently who finally made a decision to not be involved with the unbelieving partner any longer and to live the rest of her life unmarried, serving the Lord exclusively. We all have different callings.

Consider these questions: Is your boyfriend a stumbling block to your relationship with the Lord? Is he willing to make the Lord number one in his life? Can you accept him knowing that he may not be able to trust him and never have a strong spiritual bond? What are the outward signs that your boyfriend is a new creation in Christ and is truly saved? Do you pray together and read the Bible together? Do you have fellowship with other believers together at a church or small-group gatherings where the entire focus is on Bible study, worship and growing in the Lord?

“For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God” (Romans 8:6- .

You are doing all the right things from what I can assess from your last letter. We know God can change people. Hundreds of testimonies exist where people have radically changed at various points in their lives and have placed the Lord first in their lives -- which almost always dramatically improves any relationship. If your boyfriend truly repents and begins to have a real relationship with God, then the relationship between the two of you could work. Spiritual growth takes time. It sounds like you are a very patient person.

We are not meant to give the Lord second billing. But we have all been sidetracked at various times in our lives and find ourselves saying, “How did I get myself into this mess?” Many people, believers and unbelievers alike really do not understand how important it is to put the Lord first and trust that He will guide us to fulfill His purpose for our lives. I think the Lord is very busy placing spiritual band-aids on our injuries while He tries to get us to understand that it is only through Him that we can truly have the blessed and balanced life He intended for us. But our culture is adamantly opposed to that way of thinking and the resulting spiritual and emotional carnage is rampant everywhere we look.

Gina, I commend you for your forthrightness and resolve. Considering all the details of your particular situation, take care not to cheat yourself from having a real marriage, if marriage is what you find that God wants for your life. He may very well have someone else in mind for you. But as you said, “God will direct your path.” You have an excellent attitude. God will honor your integrity, your sincere, loving and repentant heart. And remember, you are one of God’s precious children and He wants the best for your life. Also, keep this Scripture in mind:

“Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10).

Be sure that any man, you decide to marry, understands that verse.

In God’s love,

Esther

“Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance” (Titus 2:2).


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Dear Esther,
I have just read the letter from ‘One Who Is Lonely’ and can completely relate to this. I feel that I have been (this is hard to explain but) sort of oppressed, kept out, prevented from getting on, finding out the truth, communicating with others, etc. I can’t explain this very well, but every idea I have, it seems to be ruined by outside factors. This has been happening for years (subtly) but it is really only in the last few weeks that I have begun to think that it can’t just be down to my lack of diligence. I live in England, UK and the attitude here is very different from that of the USA, but I believe we are all united in the eyes of God.

I have spent a long time trying to find a church that has like-minded people, but there always seems to be something that seems ‘not right’, so I keep myself to myself and just hope that what I do is right. I avoid making friends with people because I am not sure whether to trust them but am also aware that I should join with other like-minded people in worship/prayer etc. This leads me to a dilemma - by not involving myself am I preventing myself from doing the will of God or would God be pleased of my awareness?

I have MS, which was diagnosed in 1989, but had no symptoms until some circumstances took control of my life that I couldn’t control. Every idea I had since seems to fail. For example, I wanted to train to be a counselor but my voice has been affected now and I can’t really communicate with people anymore as I get ignored, talked over and interrupted so often. There is so much doubt and fear within people now that as I present as different, people are suspicious of me and it is so hard to get the things I need for myself.

I do not have much family, I only have one good friend, but she is not very ‘open’, so I can’t tell her things and I have no partner. I tried to contact a Baptist church nearby, but they never responded - which is something I have experienced so often. I feel as if there is some ’bad force’ at work in my life to prevent me communicating with other people, but then again am I just being over dramatic?

I am beginning to feel that I don’t know which way to turn next. There is so much evidence around us, I really want to be able to show to God that I am aware, but feel I am not doing enough? Do you or any of your readers have any advice? I am happy for you to give out my email address to anyone you trust.

Thank You

Ms Lauri Newman

Norfolk, England, UK


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Dear Lauri,
I am glad you wrote. I assume you are a born-again believer. I do understand that things are quite different in the UK. But as you know our God is not restricted to countries and time zones and He can solve your dilemma. We all need to have a sense of belonging. Surely, the Lord will guide you to some friends whom you can share with. I am very familiar with London, but not Norfolk. I will contact some believers I know in the UK and see what they might suggest.

We live in a very corrupt, jaded world where so many are insensitive to the pain of others. And sadly, we can find this same type of behavior with far too many professing Christians. Yet when something happens to those same selfish uncaring individuals, they want massive sympathy and support. But please don’t totally give-up on people. Your best friend is Jesus and He is always there for you. You can count on Him, no matter what.

Sometimes when we are challenged with one roadblock after another, it is often the Lord trying to get our attention. How much time do you spend with Him? All the answers to this life are in the Bible. Have you made in-depth Bible study an integral part of your daily life? God wants us to go deeply into His holy Word and grow. You do not have to be with others to read and study Bible -- the Holy Spirit will teach you (John 14:26). His Word is like a healing balm in the midst of torrential storms. And the storms are getting more intense as we move toward the final climax of this world’s prophetic destiny.

I urge you to go before your heavenly Father and pour your heart out to Him in prayer. Sometimes when some doors are shut it is for our own best interests, although at the time it can seem very lonely and like no one in the world cares. But God cares and you do have many brothers and sisters throughout the world who care, too.

“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father” (Romans 8:15).

As far as the treatment you get from others because of your temporary disability, shame on them. The Lord has something in mind for you where even with your physical issues and you will be able to bless others. And remember, once we are taken home in the Rapture you will have a new glorified body, eternally.

To answer your question: “This leads me to a dilemma - by not involving myself am I preventing myself from doing God’s will or would God be pleased of my awareness?

Scripture gives plenty of warnings that we are to be careful who we spend time with. Your awareness is a good thing. Finding a true Bible believing church is a chronic problem for many believers. So many churches are liberal in their views and lukewarm in their teaching. They are more like social clubs where the name of God is mentioned but not truly glorified.

Our fellowship does not have to be restricted to a church building. But we are encouraged to fellowship with other believers and that could mean via the Internet, emails and ideally through small groups where the Bible is studied, especially if one cannot find a church that is suitable. We have more resources today than ever before.

Some people are very legalistic about the verses I have cited below. They assume they mean that all Christians are to meet in a church building, but the church is not a building. It is the body of Christ─all those who are born again Christians, and meeting together can occur in various ways.

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:23-26).

At Rapture Ready we have a lot of good information and I encourage you to keep gleaning from the website and exploring. Consider yourself part of the Rapture Ready family. Resolve to make Bible study a priority each day and you will find yourself feeling less lonely. The Word of God has a way of penetrating the spirit and soul in a way that nothing else can. Try to keep things in perspective. We know this world is corrupt and filled with evil. The forces of darkness do try to oppress and derail us from living full-lives by placing doubt in our minds that God is not really there for us.

Weak-minded people are often used as the devil’s pawns and stop at nothing to try to victimize others. Pray that the Lord will keep evil from you and use the Word of God against the wiles of the devil. We must all spiritually armor ourselves every day (Ephesians 6:10-1 . And remember this world is only temporary, and your future is very bright. Hang on to the promises of God, Lauri. He warned us that we would have tribulation in this world but already we have total victory in Christ. Jesus is coming soon and before you know it none of these earthly concerns will matter. Delve deeply into the Scriptures and spend your time with the Lord.

Although you have investigated many churches, I would not totally give-up trying to find one. I do have a link for you below, a church in Norwich that you can contact by email since your speaking voice is weak. Be sure to explain that to them. See if you are able to find someone there who will communicate with you. Tell them you are very much in need of connecting with other believers. Perhaps they can recommend something to you and guide you to some ministries close to you that you could get involved with. If you don’t get a response, try again. Sometimes people are genuinely so busy it takes time to respond. It is that way at RR at times.

Also, keep in mind that no church is perfect but there are still some churches where the Bible is taught verse by verse at each service. You may not like some of the inner-workings of any church, but you never know whom you might meet and how the Lord is working through some of the people involved.

It is good to be cautious and discerning but not to the point where you cannot trust anyone. Many loving Christians exist who would love to be your friend. Trust that the Lord is working in your life and understands your feelings of isolation.

“In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 56:11).

http://www.servantschurch.org.uk/about.asp

In God’s love,

Esther

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will] have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

If anyone would like to correspond with Lauri, please email me at: dearesther7@yahoo.com


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Zechariah 12:3,9:
And in that day will I make Jerusalem a burdensome stone for all people; And it shall come to pass in that day, that I will seek to destroy all the nations that come against Jerusalem.


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