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Jul 22, 2013


Dear Esther,
I am writing to you because I am struggling with something. I am 48 years old and I gave my heart to Jesus when I was six. Through out the years I have always stayed a Christian, never turning my back or denying him. However, like all of us I do sin and fall short, but I do my best to hold on to my relationship with God the Father, Jesus my Savior and the Holy Spirit who is with me.

I will do my best to describe what’s going on without making this a novel. My entire life I have never felt like I belonged anywhere, nor have I ever felt like I was truly accepted for who I am anywhere. I didn’t marry until I was 30, but divorced almost six years ago now. My ex-husband became a Christian, yet we still ended up in divorce. He always credited me with leading him to Christ. My father is dead and I live 1400 miles from my entire family and all of my old friends. My ex-husband moved me far away from everyone over 13 years ago. The reason I’m writing you, is because I have come to a crossroads and need help. The worst part is I do not see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I met someone almost four years ago and we have been seeing each other ever since. We don’t see each other every day, but we see one another about 3 to 4 times a month. We both are very busy with our jobs, and me with my 2 children. I’m in love with this man and feel he is the man I am intended to spend the rest of my life with. However, he has admitted to me that although he was raised a Christian that he has lost his faith in God. He said, and I quote, “If God is real then why doesn’t he stop innocent children from suffering?”

He is a schoolteacher and he comes across children all the time that are abused, neglected or starved. I understand his argument, but I have told him that he will just have to have faith that God has all the answers and will reveal them to us one day. I wish I had an answer for him about the children, but the truth is, I do not. I talk to him about Jesus Christ all the time and I do not hide my belief and or faith.

I’m in love with this man. He represents everything that I am missing from my life. My dad is gone, I have no family close, and the only family that I have I am no longer close to them due to the distance between us and the only friends I have made here are all married. I want to move forward with him and get married so that I can be a part of his big family. Esther this man is my BEST FRIEND. I want to feel a part of this and not be alone all of the time. I feel safe with him. I feel happy with him. I feel content with him. For four years I have been praying for his salvation.

I have been praying for God to take away my pain and misery. I cry almost every day. I’m so lonely and I can’t move forward. I am asked out on dates but I have no desire to look any further. I feel I have found the man I’m meant to be with. I know he cares for me, but he has never told me that he loves me. He even recently bought me a very expensive birthday gift. He fixes things around my house and has always called, sent a text or emailed when he says he will. He has never let me down or not done something he said he was going to do.

He is kind, gentle and very caring. He is responsible and loves his mother and father and takes care of them. However, I even think that he is seeing another woman. This hurts of course and I don’t say anything because I feel it would just mess up what we have. If I leave things as they are then this will give God time to answer my prayer. If I bring up this other woman then he may tell me he doesn’t love me and he can’t see me anymore. But, he needs me in his life. I am the only one in his life that even tells him about God.

I know I sound like an obsessed fan of his or something. But, truly I have never felt in all of my years that I was made for someone. I feel God made me for this man. I feel like he completes me. I either want to move forward with him, or for God to take away my desire. I have prayed for this for four years now.

I know that God loves me and is a jealous God. Am I wrong to pray for God to save this man? Am I wrong to ask God to soften this man’s heart toward me? Am I wrong to ask God to take away my suffering and loneliness? Am I wrong for asking him to let us be together, or if he isn’t the one God wants me to be with, then I pray that God takes away my desire for this man and sends me the man he wants me to be with. Am I wrong for being lonely, sad and weary? No one knows of my feelings. I am excellent at hiding my true feelings. The only one that knows my true feelings is God. He is the one I lean on for help.

However, I desperately want to be happy. I sometimes feel like I’m suffocating in despair. Should I hang on to what relationship I have with him and wait on God? Or should I let this man go and forget completely about him? Or should I let him go but continue to pray for his salvation. However, if I have to let him go and continue to pray for him it will kill me. I love him so much that the thought of never seeing him again just kills me. I don’t want to give up on him. I feel that the reason he doesn’t love me is because he doesn’t believe in God. God made love and if you don’t believe in God, then you can’t believe in love.

But, if he becomes saved then he will finally love me because if he loves God, he will know the love that I feel for him and he will be able to reciprocate that love. Am I being foolish to think this way? Should I give up on him? I think that he loves me in his own way, but until he discovers what God’s love feels like then he will never be able to share his love for me with me. Please give me advice. I wish God could tell me himself. But, I know he doesn't talk directly to people anymore. Maybe he will talk to me through you.

I need relief from all of this pain and I know that my heavenly Father can help me. I just don’t know where to go from here. I am tired of being lonely and I fear we are running out of time before Christ returns. I do not want him to miss the Rapture. Thank you so very much for listening and I hope you can help me.

May God Bless you....

Carrie

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Dear Carrie,
Wow, wow, wow! I feel for you! You have so much kindness in your heart, anguish, and a desperate yearning for love. The one Person who can help you is the Lord. You know that. It is hard to be objective about things when we are in the middle of a situation. Clearly you have deep feelings for this man who has shown you some stability and kindness.

But from the outside looking in, if you want some answers to your questions I must suggest that you take some risks. You might not like the answers you get but it might place your relationship with this man into its proper perspective. Loneliness is very tough. You are a single mom with two children. The responsibilities can feel overwhelming and endless. God made a family to be together but our world is so fallen that so many are in a situation similar to yours.

You have known this man for four years. He has never told you he loves you. You only see him 3-4 days a month. I will say that you would no doubt find a way to fit him into your schedule more often if you wanted to come by more often. But he doesn’t. And you already feel that he is seeing another woman. But you feel this man is your best friend. To you, he is your best friend. He has filled a need that you have, but not enough of it. Please start looking at all the gaps in your relationship because you do not share the Lord together─the most important aspect of being in a relationship, especially a marriage.

You also feel this is the man God wants you to be with, but he is unsaved. It is great that you talk to him about the Lord but he is not responding. Not now, anyway. You say you want to marry him. But you know he is not a believer. You have already been divorced. You know that biblically speaking, we not to be “yoked” with unbelievers. That does to only apply to marriage.

We are to share the gospel with the unsaved but certainly not make them our best friends. I have more letters from women who have gotten themselves into relationships with unsaved men hoping they would be the bridge to their salvation. They are all miserable after the initial relationship moves to a day-to day-basis. How could you live in the same household with someone who rejects the Lord when he has already told you he does?

You say that he needs you since you are his only connection to the Lord. This is where trust comes in. Telling yourself that this man might not get saved if you are not in his life is a bit over-the-top. If you are praying for Him, God is not going to abandon the request to save him. You should pray for him.

When our emotions are running wild and controlling our thoughts and actions, even if we are serious about our faith it is possible to neglect the sound teachings in the Scriptures. God has already given you the answer not to be unequally yoked. So it would be a good idea to let him go -- in the way the way that think of him. If he gets saved and he is the man for you, then God will bring him back to you. And if he is not the man for you as it is now, then God is saving you from a difficult future with someone who is not a believer.

You ask so many questions out of despair, dear Carrie. Of course it is not wrong to reach out to God, He wants us to, He is our heavenly Father -- but so many answers to our questions are already found in the Bible. I don’t know if you have friends in a Bible teaching church or ministry of some sort. I urge you to get involved with a strong women’s ministry where Bible study is taken seriously.

You sound very sincere in your love for the Lord, but somehow you have gotten involved with a man who is not a Christian and that alone is going to cause problems for you. Has it ever occurred to you that he (your friend) already has figured out that because of your strong faith, that marriage with you would be a mistake, for him, considering he does not believe in God?

A little child wants the candy at the candy store. Unfortunately that child has already had some bad experiences at the dentist. So mom and dad won’t buy the candy. It is the same for us. When we go out in the world and do things as the world we are asking for trouble. So the best thing is to not involve our selves closely with those who have already declared themselves to be non-Christians.

You have shared the gospel with your friend. You have done your part. But this has gone on for four years, Carrie. If this man has not responded to the gospel and not expressed his devotion and love to you by now, then I am afraid you are letting your emotions control you. Please calm down and let the Holy Spirit take over your life. This man might seem to have some of the qualities you are looking for, but he does not have the most important ones.

He does not love or know the Lord. He is not saved. From what you have said it sounds like he genuinely cares for you, but not the way you really need. If I were you I would ask God to take away my desire for him. Carrie, you sound like a dear person but it seems like you have an obsession with this man and are not thinking as a woman who has placed God first in her life. And imagine if you married this man in his unbelieving state how that would ultimately affect your children. This man could not be the spiritual leader that God calls husbands to be.

It sounds to me that once you truly place the Lord first and accept whatever future He has for you, your life will be much more balanced and peaceful. And when you least expect it, he may just send the right man to you. You and your children need a man who understands biblical principles and lives them. Please, “Let go and let God.” Rest in Him and He will carry you to a happy ending.

Ask any long-term believer truly committed to the Lord if their heart’s desires are the same today as they were ten years ago. Almost every one of them would say, “No, the desire of my heart now is to do as God leads me. And I understand, what He wants is what I want.” I can attest to that personally Carrie! And I thank God again and again that some of the things I thought I wanted so long ago are the last things I would ever want now.

Do you think God wants you to be involved with a man that denies Him? No, Carrie. So please let go of this going nowhere relationship and get involved with those who are led by the Spirit of God. Believe me, one day you will be so glad you did.

“Do not put your trust in princes, nor a son of man, in whom there is no help. His spirit departs, he returns to his earth; in that very day his plans perish” (Psalm 146).

When you are lonely and sad, get involved with others who are strongly committed to growing in the Lord and sharing the gospel. Psalm 146 and Psalm 147 would be very good for you to read and study. Living on wishful thinking is not productive and is clearly causing you constant grief. You are doing this to yourself without realizing it.

Another suggestion I have is to look into some alternative nutritional therapy. I don’t endorse any type of medical treatment, but you may have a mineral deficiency that may be adding to your stressed emotional state.

This is the time to trust the Lord and believe His promises─that He will not leave or forsake you. Let him bring the right man to you. But first make the Lord number one in your life. A godly man wants a godly woman and he understands the sacred principles of marriage. That is what you need; a man who understands that God must come first, followed by his wife and children.

Although your “best friend” does nice things, his commitment factor is extremely low with you and that alone should alert you that he is placing his own needs first. Please let the Lord take over. He loves you so very, very much. He hears your cries. Now rest in His love as He works out your life.

In God’s love,

Esther

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).

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Zechariah 12:3,9:
And in that day will I make Jerusalem a burdensome stone for all people; And it shall come to pass in that day, that I will seek to destroy all the nations that come against Jerusalem.
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