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Mar 18, 2013

Dear Esther,
I have suffered from depression since middle school. I am not sure how it started; I think it may have started with my unusually restricted childhood. Without going into much detail, my childhood wasn’t really much of a social childhood due to numerous restraints placed on me by my father. It was mostly spent in isolation (except when I was in school), dreaming of the day I would move out on my own. (Currently I am 26 and this still hasn't happened, which I hear is now a normal thing for this economy.) While, life is a little better now, I still have very few friends (next to none). Most friends have come and gone, and I don't have much family support in terms of relationships. I feel excruciatingly alone.

I currently work the same job that I have had since graduating high school, which is in food service. While I am blessed to even have a job, particularly one with excellent benefits, this is not what I envisioned. Due to financial restraints and other difficulties, college has taken me awhile. I am finally in my last semester at college, but in these uncertain times, there is no guarantee a degree will get you anywhere. I am also completing an internship, which I had been originally excited about. But the training and education have both been disappointing to date. I’m not trying to downplay God's blessings; I am very blessed to have gotten my foot in the door, as it is very hard to get into this organization.

I lost the friendship that was the most important to me at work recently. We have worked together for several years, and have always been close. We always used to look out for each other. Neither of us has been perfect, but starting right before Christmas, it is as if she stopped talking to me and caring about me completely overnight. I have approached her in concern several times about this, but she says that, “Everything is fine.” Clearly she has something against me, and this situation has dragged on for months. All of my attempts to be kind and loving have simply been bouncing off of her with no response. I never knew she could be so cold, and so cruel as to treat anyone in such a way. I really don't even want to work with her anymore. While I know that bigger things are happening in the universe, I am so angry and hurt over this. I had prayed about this situation, which, like everything else in my life, just doesn't seem to be getting any better.

I simply want to die. I am so tired of life, and the impermanence of everything that is good. As long as relationships fail and time devours all things, nothing in this world is going to satisfy me. I feel doomed to repeat the same struggles day after day. The past few days, I have been almost paralyzed with depression. I have tried to draw near to Christ, but for some reason it doesn't seem to be dispelling the gloom. The despair is crushing. I have often dreamed of ending my life several times (usually this vision ends with me landing in front of a very disappointed and frustrated Christ...or in hell). I always hear about how Christians should be filled with joy...we are actually commanded to rejoice in all things. Is it possible for a Christian who is filled with the Holy Spirit to be filled with such agonizing disappointment and ungodly (suicidal) despair?

Thank you,

C (Christians and ungodly despair)


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Dear C (Christians and ungodly despair),
Sometimes life just becomes so overwhelmingly disappointing it is possible to block out the Lord even when we are trying to reach out to Him. Your feelings are very understandable. It is always a shock to think we know someone but then when another side to that person emerges it is really scary. Dear friend, please understand this is not the world God intended for us. It is so corrupt. The best thing we can do is channel all our anger, hurt and disappointments into something positive to benefit others which will also benefit ourselves. It is very possible to be filled with the Holy Spirit and at times feel such despair, that we wonder what is going on and feel like we simply want to die. We are redeemed but we are still human and sometimes when the viciousness of this world closes in heavily on us we yearn to be free of it all.

The best remedy for depression and a feeling of immobility is doing good to help others. I know that might be very hard to hear right now, but it does work. So many people are hurting today and of course you would so much like someone to step in and make things right for you. But when we do not have loving and thoughtful individuals to reach out to, we should try reaching out to help others. By taking the focus off ourselves we can better cope with our own situations. By nature our tendency is to think about how we are hurt and offended and there is no disputing that you have been treated very rudely and badly and the fact that it carries over into your work environment makes it even more painful. But placing one foot in front of the other and helping to bring a smile to another hurting heart and soul is one of the best remedies for your own hurt.

You are in your last semester of college. That is a great achievement. Something to be very proud of; good job! Soon you will be finished and you will have your degree. One thing to also keep in mind is since you know where you are not going to get support it is futile to expect to get it from those people. I have seen a number of situations where it seemed that the Lord allowed most everything that seemed important to a person to just kind of dissolve. Devastating at first glance. But this is often a way that the Lord is asking us to be more committed to Him, to take our faith to a deeper level, and also possibly His way of protecting us from something down the road that we cannot see. Then, with time, His next plan for our lives is revealed─which is always for the better.

How well do you know your Bible? The Word of God is like healing medicine to the soul. The more you get into it, the more you can look at the world rather than be in the world. I think God has very special plans for you, yet. Have you considered seriously looking for a new job right after you finish college? Regardless of the economy, if the Lord has something else in mind for you, that door will open. We serve a great and mighty God and when He wants us to do something He will open the right doors.

Is there a good Bible teaching church in your area that you could get involved in? Please look into finding a place where you can go to regularly. I also recommend trying to find a small group of believers who meet in each other’s homes. You might have to try a few different places and situations. What you need is a sense of belonging with others who are like-minded and are deeply committed to the Lord. Not carnal Christians. Also, please read through some of my other letters on RR and they might give you some encouragement.

And remember this: We are living very close to the Lord’s return. Have you shared the gospel with others? I am assuming you are a born-again believer. Please get involved in something that will take you away from your feelings of isolation. The first step might be tough, but I am sure God has some wonderful new, true, friends for you.

BTW - If your “friend” continues to play the game she is playing, be cordial when you must interact with her at work but at this point I would not walk around giving her the satisfaction that she has so much power over you that she can ruin your day. In your heart you will have to let go of her and forgive her. If she comes to you and gets straight with you, well then there might be a chance for a renewed friendship. But from what you have said, I would not count on it. People will always let us down. But God is right there waiting for us. He loves you so very much and He will guide you. Don’t give up now. God does have a plan for your life. Ask Him to take you in the direction He wants you to move toward. Whatever and wherever it is, it will be for the best.

Also, realize because we are living in the last days many believers will be attacked by other self-serving (false) Christians and the world in general. Just this week at Rapture Ready we have had to deal with some very vicious and rude emails sent by professing Christians trying to undermine our good work. Some even use fake identities. But the real identities of these thick as thieves rebel rousers is very suspect. When a person pontificates in a self-righteous soapbox writing style (packed with lies) his or her true identity can be easily uncovered. Some people are pathetic busybodies and can’t stand to have others in positions that they covet for themselves (Exodus 20:17). Such imposters underestimate the savvy and discernment of true born-again believers.

The hypocrisy of these types of people comes through loud and clear. All they accomplish is to show them selves for the fools that they are, and the key word is “selves.” These types of people are totally into themselves. They manage to delude themselves and some others into thinking they are such wonderful, dedicated believers but behind the scenes they are playing games, gossiping and stabbing other genuine Christians in the back. Just like your friend who abandoned you, to some extent. But God is not mocked and these wretched troublemakers will reap what they sow. But we must pray for them, for their deliverance.

The devil uses weak-willed people to do his dirty work to try to destroy others. We can find them in our churches, Christian social groups, ministries─just about anywhere. The best thing to do is let go of such people and let God to deal with them. Don’t get caught up in their drama. Also the closer we get to the Lord’s return, this type of behavior will escalate, so be sure you are armed with the Word of God and when the enemy strikes, walk away and quote Scripture aloud: “Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world!” Every day we must make our relationship with the Lord our first and highest priority and turn away of the distractions that keep us from having a strong relationship with Him. We must pray for wisdom and discernment so we can better detect those who have hidden agendas and cannot be trusted.

Please get back to me dear friend and let me know that you are all right. Jesus is right there for you. Don’t let the devil fool you into thinking you are all alone. The Lord loves you so very, very much. I hope to meet you one day soon in person when “the Lord Himself descends from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God” and takes us home to glory.

In God’s love,

Esther

“We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed─” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9).


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Zechariah 12:3,9:
And in that day will I make Jerusalem a burdensome stone for all people; And it shall come to pass in that day, that I will seek to destroy all the nations that come against Jerusalem.


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