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Interpersonal Manipulation & Heroes
www.beth-peterson.com

manipulation     cults     intimate partner abuse     recovery & healing     power struggles     being a hero     autonomy     self-determination

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Welcome! This forum is about interpersonal manipulation (especially in its extreme forms) and also about how we are all the hero of our own stories, our own lives.

Highly manipulative relationships and groups include battering relationships, cults, and many others which are more subtle and therefore harder to spot. Being a healthy hero is centered on the opposite -- becoming as autonomous as possible and endorsing the autonomy of others.

Feel free to ask, to comment, and to share.  And please feel free to use a pen name! I know that a lot of times we want to keep our anonymity. 


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Subject:   Re: Decision Making
Name:   Beth
Date Posted:   Aug 28, 08 - 8:30 AM
Website:   http://www.beth-peterson.com
Message:   Dear Confused,

The most important thing is to start making firm, thought-through decisions on what behavior you will tolerate in a relationship. Be prepared to break off any relationship that does not have a good chance of the other person meeting your standards. Give a *fair* amount of time for change (habits are built in 40 days), but do not exceed the time limit you set. Manipulators will string us along, whether they are consciously manipulating or not.

If you do not set a firm line, a specific line, than you will slip into accepting however you are treated.

Stop making excuses. (I can almost guarantee you are, eh?) Stop giving reasons for other's bad behavior and attitudes. You have been trained to do that, did you realize this?

Realize and accept that you cannot help your husband. He must decide to help himself. If he is unwilling, you have his answer.

Other resources that may help you are my videos on YouTube: www.youtube.com/wingedblue, the questionnaire here, and the books here.

Hang in there!! You are a worthwhile person. Although you may love your husband deeply, you must still ask yourself if it is in your own best interest to stay in a relationship with him. Love is not enough to build a good, healthy relationship.
   


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