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Interpersonal Manipulation & Heroes
www.beth-peterson.com

manipulation     cults     intimate partner abuse     recovery & healing     power struggles     being a hero     autonomy     self-determination

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Welcome! This forum is about interpersonal manipulation (especially in its extreme forms) and also about how we are all the hero of our own stories, our own lives.

Highly manipulative relationships and groups include battering relationships, cults, and many others which are more subtle and therefore harder to spot. Being a healthy hero is centered on the opposite -- becoming as autonomous as possible and endorsing the autonomy of others.

Feel free to ask, to comment, and to share.  And please feel free to use a pen name! I know that a lot of times we want to keep our anonymity. 


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Subject:   Re: Re: Decision Making
Name:   Confused
Date Posted:   Aug 21, 08 - 7:35 AM
Message:   Hi Beth,

Thank you very much for your thoughts. Actually, we have been seeing a counselor (the both of us) for a long time now. It just seems like nothing is accomplished or fixed. Same issues over and over again...and you're right. These situations are NOT easy.

Before we were married, he did not talk to me about parenting. In fact, the only thing he said was "Do you know what you are getting yourself into?" (regarding marrying him since he has kids) and of course I said "Absolutely!" Without him telling me how things work...how could i POSSIBLY know what i was getting myself into? I think that was shortsighted on his part.

I believe that he was controlled in his previous marriage and so he REFUSES to maybe relinquish that control with me? I'm not sure. But he likes to control ALL decisions especially regarding kids. We just took a vacation wiht hte kids and we had numerous fights where i didn't agree with what he wanted to do but he still did everything HE wanted regardless of how i felt. Yes...he still tries to make all decisions regarding our life in general together. Now, i take care of money and the bills...but he takes care of how HE wants to spend our money ....mostly around his kids. Many times he says "I am going to get you this" to his kids....when it's supposed to be "WE." I still think he views it as it's HIM ALONE with the kids and i'm just there for the ride.

I also do ALL the grocery shopping for the "family" and i feel like i'm taken for granted and not appreciated. I'm thinking that maybe i should stop doing that and only get what i need and have him get what he and the kids need.

I think I do need to see the counselor alone as well to go through those concerns about if it is a healthy relationship, what i want out of it, etc. Becuase we can't go on this way, it's making me depressed.

Thanks a lot,
Confused
Replies:    
Re: Decision Making by Beth · Aug 21, 08 - 10:26 AM
Re: Re: Decision Making by Confused · Aug 24, 08 - 7:59 PM
Re: Decision Making by Beth · Aug 28, 08 - 8:30 AM


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