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Interpersonal Manipulation & Heroes
www.beth-peterson.com

manipulation     cults     intimate partner abuse     recovery & healing     power struggles     being a hero     autonomy     self-determination

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Welcome! This forum is about interpersonal manipulation (especially in its extreme forms) and also about how we are all the hero of our own stories, our own lives.

Highly manipulative relationships and groups include battering relationships, cults, and many others which are more subtle and therefore harder to spot. Being a healthy hero is centered on the opposite -- becoming as autonomous as possible and endorsing the autonomy of others.

Feel free to ask, to comment, and to share.  And please feel free to use a pen name! I know that a lot of times we want to keep our anonymity. 


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Subject:   Re: What do I do?
Name:   Beth
Date Posted:   Mar 3, 08 - 7:41 AM
Website:   http://www.beth-peterson.com
Message:   Dear Confused,

One of the first things you need to work on is putting your personal boundaries in place.

So many relationships become destructive because one (and often both) people don't have good personal boundaries. I understand you were feeling defensive because of his reaction to you; however, when your husband left the room, no matter if you felt you had been misunderstood, *he* was saying (in his actions) "leave me alone right now." By following him, you weren't allowing him that time -- you were, in fact, encroaching on his personal boundaries.

Most likely, neither one of you has healthy personal boundaries right now. If you feel (or have felt) that you are the cause of his emotional state -- angry, happy, loving, disgusted...whatever -- than you're personal boundaries are in immediate need of repair or construction.

I cannot give you advice about your particular situation, simply because I don't have enough information. This is something you need to talk over with a professional counselor or therapist face-to-face. I would urge you to find one immediately. Otherwise, your relationship, even if it could be salvaged right now, will continue to spiral downwards.

No matter what, though, building your own personal boundaries will free you from having to feel responsible for things you cannot control and will help you strength the person you are and enable you to work toward the person you want to work to become.
Replies:    
Re: What do I do? by Confused · Mar 3, 08 - 11:38 AM
Re: Re: What do I do? by Beth · Mar 4, 08 - 1:35 PM
Re: Re: Re: What do I do? by Confused · Mar 11, 08 - 7:21 AM
Re: What do I do? by Beth · Mar 11, 08 - 8:09 AM
Re: Re: What do I do? by Confused · Mar 14, 08 - 6:57 AM


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