Welcome!

This forum is about interpersonal manipulation (especially in its extreme forms) and also about how we are all the hero of our own stories, our own lives.

Highly manipulative relationships and groups include battering relationships, cults, and many others which are more subtle and therefore harder to spot. Being a healthy hero is centered on the opposite -- becoming as autonomous as possible and endorsing the autonomy of others.

Feel free to ask, to comment, and to share. And please feel free to use a pen name! I know that a lot of times we want to keep our anonymity.

Return to Website

Home

Subject:		Re: Trapped by cultic group/spouse/job supervisor
Name:		Beth
Date Posted:		Dec 1, 06 - 9:02 AM
Website:		http://www.beth-young.com
Message:		Hi Mike; I am glad to hear of your strength and resolve in no longer allowing the manipulation by your wife. It is a terrible situation that you have found yourself in, and made even more so by the continuing presence of the group in your work environment. Finding support that understands is very problematic, especially when the group is one of those that look normal from the outside. Given the pervasiveness of the group in your current job, here are some possibilities, some of which may be do-able in your specific situation. First come the "ifs" -- If you can do so safely. If the group wants to maintain a public image and won't do anything to harm that image. If there is no way for the group or group members to 'quietly' target you. And so on. After those come some more drastic options. * IF you think you can face these people down and retain job and safety should they indeed be in the group, approach your supervisor and/or manager and express your concerns in as non-emotional manner as possible, and without pointing fingers. After you have done this, you should have a much better grasp of if you and/or your job is unsafe. By that, I mean a lack of safety from manipulation and retaliation. * IF you think you can do so without causing yourself problems, go to your Human Resources department, explain that there were some bad feelings when you left the church (or whatever they call themselves), and that you would feel more comfortable in a position where you were not supervised or managed by one of the church members. See what suggestions HR can come up with, if any. * If possible, quietly transfer to a different department, or a different location within your current company. * Seek employment with a different company in your current locality (if you are fairly certain none of the group's members work there). * Seek employment in a different area of the country. (Monster.com may be of help there.) * If you have ever wanted to go into business for yourself or buy a franchise, consider doing it now. If this is a possibility, you may want to contact SBA (the Small Business Administration) and find a local SBDC (Small Business Development Center), or one in an area you wish to relocate to. I know the last few options are very much life-changing ones. But the bottom line is that sometimes, depending on the group and/or situation, you CAN'T reclaim your life and remain anywhere physically near the group. Because you have children, I am not saying simply disappear; but, a few hundred miles cushion may help. I hope some of this gives you some ideas. Ask away if there's anything more I can do for you.

Home

bravenet.com