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Interpersonal Manipulation & Heroes
www.beth-peterson.com

manipulation     cults     intimate partner abuse     recovery & healing     power struggles     being a hero     autonomy     self-determination

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Welcome! This forum is about interpersonal manipulation (especially in its extreme forms) and also about how we are all the hero of our own stories, our own lives.

Highly manipulative relationships and groups include battering relationships, cults, and many others which are more subtle and therefore harder to spot. Being a healthy hero is centered on the opposite -- becoming as autonomous as possible and endorsing the autonomy of others.

Feel free to ask, to comment, and to share.  And please feel free to use a pen name! I know that a lot of times we want to keep our anonymity. 


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Subject:   Re: new drama
Name:   Beth
Date Posted:   Apr 7, 06 - 10:50 AM
Website:   http://www.beth-young.com
Message:   Ach!! We've a misunderstanding here!

>>>I remember that you said once that if a person returns to the manipulator, that means that they never really intended to disafiliate in the first place. Does that also apply here? In a situation where they feel that they CAN'T get away?<<<

If a person returns to their abuser, Cory, it can mean several things. SOMETIMES it means they are only taking a vacation, without ever consciously meaning to leave forever.

More often, it means that the strength of the manipulation is so strong that once the person is out from under *immediate danger* (physically, emotionally or otherwise), the manipulations work back to the forefront of their psyche, causing them to doubt their decision to leave. Those doubts in turn eat at their ability to maintain a firm decision to stay clear of the manipulator. Especially if the manipulator is actively pulling their strings again, directly or indirectly.

Yes, I am afraid for your own safety and that of your family you will need to give Kevin an ultimatum. You cannot allow his presence in your house to endanger all of you, nor put you through the emotional and physical abuse (and yes, having the phone ring in your ear at 1:00 am is physically abusive in my book when it is done in order to harrass).

I don't know if it is at all do-able, but if Kevin really does want to break from her, given what she is and her track record, my suggestion is that he find a way to relocate to somewhere completely different from where you all are now. As in, a different region of the country. Does he have friends in another state who could help him find work and a place to stay?

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but Jennifer sounds like someone who will continually seek to get at him until such time as it is clear she can't find him.

And yes...in order for this to work, he must have absolutely NO contact with her. You may want to suggest to him that he find someone who will agree to talk to whenever the urge to talk to her hits...like an alcoholic calling his AA mentor when the urge to drink hits. having that support can make all the difference.

But he also needs to PLAN to "stay out of bars". Plan to stay out of situations that make it easy to contact her.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Replies:    
Re: Re: new drama by CG · Apr 7, 06 - 12:31 PM
Re: Re: Re: new drama by CG · Apr 10, 06 - 12:22 PM
Re: new drama by Beth · Apr 10, 06 - 1:20 PM


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