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This forum is about interpersonal manipulation (especially in its extreme forms) and also about how we are all the hero of our own stories, our own lives.

Highly manipulative relationships and groups include battering relationships, cults, and many others which are more subtle and therefore harder to spot. Being a healthy hero is centered on the opposite -- becoming as autonomous as possible and endorsing the autonomy of others.

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Subject:		Re: Re: HELP!
Name:		CG
Date Posted:		Apr 6, 06 - 5:20 AM
Message:		Thanks, Beth. :) I like the way you defined the difference between helping and enabling. I knew there was a difference, but sometimes it's hard to pinpoint exactly what it is. Kevin was still at the house as of this morning, and he said last night that he "feels really good" about staying away and that he thinks he's doing the right thing. She did call his dad's cell phone yesterday and wanted to see him. She was crying, of course and pulling the guilt thing that they'd been together for 5 years, etc. His dad spoke to her and was not very nice. He told her not to call his cell phone anymore and that he was sick of the sh*t. Kevin didn't seem to be upset about his dad's conversation, and I hope this won't be later turned against Norman. His dad is the only person that she hasn't been able to turn him against over the years, so I hope it stays that way. Anyways, my husband and father-in-law left this morning for a Golf trip, leaving me in an awkward position with just Kevin, my son, and myself staying at the house. He is in the basement and has a separate entrance, so I'm hoping it won't be too awkward. We laid ground rules and told him that she is not to call our house or show up, and that if she does, I will call the police. He said that he doesn't want me to have to deal with that anyway. My only worry there is that he'll use it as an excuse to go back, but he honestly doesn't seem to be leaning that way at this moment in time. I talked to Kevin this morning, and we decided to invite some old friends of his (people that we ALL used to hang out with before Jennifer)over to play cards on Friday night. I'm hoping it will work out. It would make an uncomfortable situation more comfortable, and it would give him the chance to be the "old Kevin" again. I know that his friends have missed him. Anyways, thank you so much. Hey, I thought about printing out the coercive relationship checklist thingy for him to see. I might feel things out and see how he's acting, but if he seems ready, I might give it to him. It might help him to begin in the process of understanding what manipulation is about. Do you think that's a good idea? I'll have to see...he hasn't said as much to Jeff and I as he has to his dad, so he might not be ready for it. The good news is that I think he is getting stronger every time she kicks him out. He told his dad that he realizes now that it is the same thing every time he goes back. I think it helps that Jeff spoke with Jennifer's ex over Christmas, (we randomly ran into him on a day that Jeff had actually said that he wished he could talk to him -- it was weird) and anyways, Mike filled us in on a lot of the things that she does. Norman has since shared those things with Kevin, and he said that it seems like it's really sinking in to Kevin that this is just her pattern. Anyways, I'm rambling again...I have a hard time with short posts/emails!!! Sorry!!! Thanks so much once again! -C
Replies:
Re: Re: Re: HELP! by Beth · Apr 6, 06 - 5:38 AM new drama by CG · Apr 7, 06 - 7:58 AM Re: new drama by CG · Apr 7, 06 - 9:01 AM Re: new drama by Beth · Apr 7, 06 - 10:50 AM Re: Re: new drama by CG · Apr 7, 06 - 12:31 PM Re: Re: Re: new drama by CG · Apr 10, 06 - 12:22 PM Re: new drama by Beth · Apr 10, 06 - 1:20 PM

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