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Interpersonal Manipulation & Heroes
www.beth-peterson.com

manipulation     cults     intimate partner abuse     recovery & healing     power struggles     being a hero     autonomy     self-determination

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Welcome! This forum is about interpersonal manipulation (especially in its extreme forms) and also about how we are all the hero of our own stories, our own lives.

Highly manipulative relationships and groups include battering relationships, cults, and many others which are more subtle and therefore harder to spot. Being a healthy hero is centered on the opposite -- becoming as autonomous as possible and endorsing the autonomy of others.

Feel free to ask, to comment, and to share.  And please feel free to use a pen name! I know that a lot of times we want to keep our anonymity. 


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Subject:   Re: HELP!
Name:   Beth
Date Posted:   Apr 5, 06 - 7:25 PM
Website:   http://www.beth-young.com
Message:   Cory, You are in a really tough situation, as is your whole family, including Kevin. Yes, you do need to lay down ground rules. Telling him flat out if she disturbs your household you will file harassment charges is a perfectly legitimate, and quite possibly necessary, thing for you to do. First and foremost, you and your husband need to protect yourselves and your children. Ground rules and boundaries are absolutely necessary.

The way to avoid enabling is to make the ground rules, keeping in mind what you can give – emotionally, physically, financially, etc – without it adversely affecting you and your family, and then sticking to those limits. Enablers make excuses and ignore the need for limits…even if they have at some point set them.

Help, but only within your set boundaries.

As much as possible, encourage Kevin to find help…perhaps not even professional, per se, but perhaps even something along the lines of a divorce group. He needs (if he will do it) to 1) establish bona fide support systems that are completely separate from Jennifer, 2) get some emotional and mental distance from her and the situation of that relationship, and 3) regain stability in an overall sense.

The more Kevin understands the foundation of manipulation that his relationship with Jennifer is built on, the less likely it becomes that he’ll return to her. The more he works to overcome the habit of capitulation that she’s instilled, the less likely it becomes that he’ll return to her. Whatever you can do to encourage these things, the better chance he has at breaking free and remaining free.

But remember….ultimately, the choice to work to overcome this relationship and the damage it has caused him will have to be his.
Replies:    
Re: Re: HELP! by CG · Apr 6, 06 - 5:20 AM
Re: Re: Re: HELP! by Beth · Apr 6, 06 - 5:38 AM
new drama by CG · Apr 7, 06 - 7:58 AM
Re: new drama by CG · Apr 7, 06 - 9:01 AM
Re: new drama by Beth · Apr 7, 06 - 10:50 AM
Re: Re: new drama by CG · Apr 7, 06 - 12:31 PM
Re: Re: Re: new drama by CG · Apr 10, 06 - 12:22 PM
Re: new drama by Beth · Apr 10, 06 - 1:20 PM


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