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This forum is about interpersonal manipulation (especially in its extreme forms) and also about how we are all the hero of our own stories, our own lives.

Highly manipulative relationships and groups include battering relationships, cults, and many others which are more subtle and therefore harder to spot. Being a healthy hero is centered on the opposite -- becoming as autonomous as possible and endorsing the autonomy of others.

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Subject:		Re: hanging in there, additional question
Name:		CG
Date Posted:		Mar 24, 06 - 5:17 AM
Message:		Beth, After I posted, I realized that I left out one of the most important things that was said this weekend. First of all, Jennifer called his father's cell phone 32 times on Sat. night (along with her phone calls to our phone). Kevin and his dad hid his car after her 1:00 am phone call, and I believe that is when he told his father that he was scared of her. Anyways, he also told his dad that he was afraid that if he went back to her (that night) that he would kill her. This situation has always reminded me of that couple from your book (and I can't believe their names are escaping me right now). I know that she ended up killing him after she got to know herself again. The comment from Kevin really worries me. I don't know how much he meant it or if it was the just heat of the moment...the problem is that I think their whole relationship is "the heat of the moment" and we're worried that basically anything is possible. I dunno....and I guess the basic truth is that regardless, there's nothing we can do, right? I'm rambling, but I do have a question. My husband said after Kevin left, that he doesn't want it to become a habit that Kevin comes to our home for reprieve if he's just going to go back. It is just very upsetting to our lives, and it's scary that she was calling from a Stop In at 1:00 am. We wonder if we're putting ourselves and our two year old son in danger...and at the very least, we are exposing ourselves to a lot of drama and all of Jennifer's games. I think Kevin is worth it, but I understand where Jeff is coming from, and I have to admit that I could do without the drama. Jeff said that he might tell him the next time that we will be there for him/do anything for him if this is really IT and he is leaving her, but that otherwise, we're not going to allow him to make a habit of staying at our house just to get the energy to go back. Is that the wrong reaction? What are we supposed to do? How do you know if you are enabling someone to go back for more or if you are helping them? Is there a way to let him know that we love him and are there for him without putting our own lives in the middle of the drama? Is it an option to let him stay but tell him that if she calls our house or shows up in the middle of the night, we will call the police and file a harrassment charge? She has over 50 charges filed against her now...mostly little things, but I do think the threat of the law would keep her away. The problem is that I don't think Kevin really WANTS her to stay away at this point, so that might just turn him more against us and push him back to her more quickly. Confused, -Cory
Replies:
Re: hanging in there by Beth · Apr 5, 06 - 7:36 PM

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