Welcome to Luke C Jackson's official message board. This is a great place to ask questions and make suggestions about my writing, and listen to what other people have to say. I'll try to drop in whenever I can and answer your posts. One warning is that, in the sections labelled 'The Unclaimed', 'Summer's End' and 'Sleeper', you may find some spoilers; if you want to avoid these, but want to read a bit of the stories themselves, I recommend you check out the pages dedicated to them on my site. And remember: people of all different ages will be showing up here, so please keep your comments clean.
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Luke
 Feb 6, 06 - 8:42 AM |
Thornbury High School competition winners
At the end of 2005, I visited Thornbury High School, and ran a workshop on writing detective stories. There were ten finalists, from which I chose two winners and one special mention. The stories follow. My congratulations again to the winners. Thanks for allowing me to publish your terrific stories on my site. (In each case, copyright remains with the stories' author.) |
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Maggie O
Feb 6th, 2006 - 8:53 AM |
Bite-sized Mystery Story
Friday night October 14th My best friend Lilly is missing. The last time we saw her, was when Kendra and I were on the train with her today after school, Kendra and I both got off at our stops, leaving Lilly behind as she lives the farthest away. The only thing we did was talk, and we also saw Mr. Snellbert on the train, as apparently he lives near Lilly. Lilly’s mum called me later that night asking if Lilly was at my house because sometimes us best friends go to each others houses without telling our folks. But Lilly wasn’t at my house, or Kendra’s. We don’t know where she is, we don’t know when we’ll see her again. Kendra’s at my house and we are just thinking back. Thinking back over the week before Lilly went missing. Picking out key-points, looking for our lynchpin… Tuesday October 11th “I think I’m in love!” Kendra said happily “Noo! Not this again!” Lilly joked. “Are you sure it’s love?” I asked her. That’s us, Kendra, Lilly and Hayley and we’ve been best friends since we started high school, two years ago. “Of course! I’ve never felt this way about any of the guys i've been out with before!” Kendra exclaimed. “You said that about Sam, and Dan, oh and don’t forget Benji!” I said, trying to quietly eat chips without making a crunching sound. I was absolutely starving, after my 30 minute daily run, but I didn’t want to sound mean while Kendra was telling us about her new boyfriend, Matt. I suddenly heard a female shouting in the background of the three-way call. Not my end. “Hey guys I have to go!” Lilly said frantically, and she hung up. “Oh not again,” Kendra breathed. “Yeah, man she has heaps of fights with her, like every night. And it’s not like her mum’s even being fair half the time.” I said, sadly. Lilly comes to school nearly everyday in the aftermath of a new argument with her mum and we try to support her in the best way we can, but its hard, because she’s always so upset. “Snellbert was asking about her again.” Kendra said. “What do you mean?” I asked. “Well he came up to me, after Art, because Lilly was crying that time last week when you had the Cross Country, and he goes, ‘is she okay, I’m really worried ‘bout her. I was thinking about her a lot last week.’” We were both silent. “Okay, I’m not going to pretend that’s normal coz its not,” I said. “That’s what I thought, man he’s creepy.” Kendra said shuddering. “Yeah, anyway, this is probably just a stage for Lilly and her mum, it’ll pass.” I said, hopefully. “I guess,” Kendra didn’t sound convinced. Wednesday October 12th As we walked towards the canteen, fumbling with our gold coins for lunch, Lilly, out of the blue, shocks us. “Guys, my dad called last night,” she said. “What?!” I said, stunned. “He called, well after I got off the phone to you girls, I was arguing with my mum about the change from lunch yesterday, oh by the way I’m now not allowed to spend more than $5.00 on my lunch, sorry no more Wicked Fizzes. Anyway, then the phone rang and it was my dad. And he says he wants another chance to see me and be a part of my life. Even though when they first got divorced he wanted nothing to do with me.” Lilly said. “Wow,” I said, “so what happens now?” “Nothing,” Lilly said, flatly. “Why not, hun?” Kendra said. “Mum doesn’t want me to have anything to do with him ever again.” Lilly said, sounding faint. “Really? Don’t you have any say?” I asked. “Nope, she's made up her mind, nothing I can do about it.” Lilly said, and somehow, she sounded sad. “So, are you having the usual?” Lilly asked me. “Yup, salad roll.” I said, and Kendra rolled her eyes. “What?” I asked her, narrowing mine. “You always have the same boring salad roll,” said Miss. Chips-for-lunch. “It’ll do good for me in the long run,” I said, thinking of all the sports I do and was glad I choose healthily, in fear of gaining weight. “Weirdo,” Kendra said, seeing me frown, gave me a grin and said “kidding, but even if you were weird, we’d still love you. Anyway, Lilly you’re next to order.” Lilly stepped forward to the long canteen serving bench. “What’ll it be today, lovie?” Presents the hairy, manly face of Canteen Lady Joe. “Um, what are the specials?” Lilly asks, taken aback by Canteen Lady Joe’s bad breath and ability to spit on a person while she’s speaking to them, from half a metre away. “Well today’s grub, lemme see, we’ve got th’ pizza, whatev’r toppin’ ya want on it and we got me good ol’ homemade muth’r’s recipe for th’ yummy stew’d bean casserole.” Canteen Lady Joe said, and Lilly wiped smelly particles of Niagara Falls off her face. “Ew!!! That sounds disgusting!” Lilly shrieked. “How the hell could a bean casserole be yummy?” Most of the students in the next queue looked at her, smiled and nodded. “Well mayb’ n’t to ye young’ns,” Canteen Lady Joe said horrified, “but in me day, food was your reward,” Kendra interrupted with her smart **** mutter of “So how many rewards did you get a day,” referring to Canteen Lady Joe’s enormous bulging gut. “’N’ wheth’r it be bean casserole or ye favouri’e stew, ye ate it up quic’ smar’, wit’ no fuss. Nowada’s, foods tak’n f’r gran’ed ‘n’ no’ne ‘preciates it no mor’.” Canteen Lady Joe waved her hand, as if to say, ‘gone’. “Uh right, whatever, not like I care, we’re not in your day, we’re in my freakin day and I just want to eat before the bells rings, not hear your life story. So if it’s not too much of a bother, get me a cheese and vegemite roll, I mean it is your job.” “I’ll give you ‘my job,’” Canteen Lady Joe said waving a wooden spoon in the air. “Uhh,” Lilly says shuddering, “no thanks.” “Wel’ I’d l’ke ta see ye try workin’ th’se shif’s nooine ta foive ev’ryda’ te feed ye six’een kids.” Canteen Lady Joe said, spitting on Lilly again. “Well I wouldn’t have sixteen kids in the first place and I wouldn’t go round giving sad lectures about your stupid been casseroles, which suck! Give me my food now.” Lilly said elatedly, chucking Canteen Lady Joe a two dollar coin. Canteen Lady Joe automatically snapped her muscular arm out and seized the coin. Knowing she was beaten, and also knowing that she couldn’t start fights with her customers who happened to also be children, grasped the cheese and vegemite roll and handed it to Lilly. “I hop’ ye chok’ on it,” she whispered ferociously to her tough customer. Wednesday October 12th On another phone call later that day, I was at Kendra’s house when Lilly called. Kendra put Lilly on speakerphone so I could speak and hear Lilly as well. “Hey Kenni,” Lilly said. “Hey Lil, Hayley’s here too.” “’Allo hunny,” came Lilly’s sweet girly voice. “Hii!” I answered. And we had another conversation about boys and how much Kenni likes Matt, until we heard the familiar faint beeping noise indicating someone trying to call either phone. It was for Lilly so she put us on hold, to take the call, assuming it would be for her mum, and her mum being at the shops, so therefore she wouldn’t be long. Kendra and I did some more of our homework like good girls and talked a bit til Lilly came back after a shocking 5 minutes. “Gawjuzz’s, it was him!” Lilly said frantically. “Who, Matt?” Kendra said, totally day-dreaming of her boyfriend. “No girls, it was my dad again!” Lilly said. “Oh, why’d he bother ringing again, when your mum made it pretty clear he was to stay away for good?” I asked her. “I don’t believe it,” Lilly said, sounding dazed, “he said he wants permanent custody of me.” “What?!” Kendra shrieked, snapping out of her day-dream. “He said he wants me to live with him. I told him about the fights I’ve been having with Mum and he said she’s not being fair and I have to stay with him. He said he’s my father and therefore has as much right as Mum does to care for me.” Lilly said. “And what did you say?” I asked her. “I said I don’t think so, I thanked him for the offer, but no, I mean, I haven’t seen him for ages, well I have photos of him, so I know what he looks like, but I don’t really remember him.” Lilly said. Friday October14th On the train home after school we discussed the popular topic of conversation. Lilly and her dad. We hadn’t talked about anything else all day, not even Matt. But there was also something else to talk about; Lilly had had another fight with her Mum. Apparently she’d got home from shopping to find Lilly on the phone to us, and hadn’t liked the idea of Lilly being on the phone after 10pm. She’d banned her from the phone and also from hanging out with us after school. “That’s it! I have had it with my mum, I hate her so much!! She is so strict.” Lilly said. The train slowed down, nearing my stop. I said to Lilly, “she’s only being protective of you, it will pass hun, we promise, well oh I guess you can’t call us tonight coz of the ban,” I finished with, “can you go on MSN?” “Yeah, I’ll say I need to use the computer for homework, and sneak and chat to you guys.” Lilly said, faintly, apparently deep in thought. “What’s up gawjuzz?” Kendra asked Little Miss Unaware. “Oh, nothing, just thinking, hey isn’t that Snellbert.” Lilly pointed to a man, resembling our Art teacher. “Uh huh, I’ve heard he lives near you,” I told Lilly. “Okay, oh ****, it’s your stop Hayles.” Lilly said, saddened. “We’ll see you on Monday beautiful,” Kendra said giving me a hug. I gave Lilly a hug too but it didn’t feel like a real hug coz she felt stiff. Probably just upset about the fight, I told myself. “Bye girls,” I said stepping off the train. Friday, after school. October 14th I reached out my hand and picked up the ringing phone. “Hello?” I asked. “Hayley!” Lilly’s scared, frantic voice. “Lilly, what’s up?” I asked. “Hayley,” she whispered into her mobile phone, “I’m freaked out. I got off the train and that creepy Snellbert got off and I think he’s following me and, oh I gotta go!!” She rushed that last part and then the phone went dead. I let if drop out of my hands and fell back onto my bed, starting to feel sick with worry. “Hayley! What on earth happened?” My mum said, coming into my room to put my ironed clothes away. I told her the short conversation. “What’ll we do, Mum?” The phone rang again and I picked it up. “Hello?” “Hayley darling! It’s Corinne,” said Lilly’s mum. “Look, is Lilly at your house, tell her to come home right away, this is so childish, typical of her. Tell her she’s going to be in big trouble when I see her, does she have any idea how worried I am??” “Corinne! The last time I saw Lilly was on the train after school, she’s not here. She’s just rung, she sounded freaked out, and I’m really worried about her! She didn’t tell me where she was, only to say that that creepy Art teacher Mr. Snellbert was following her.” “Oh my god! Thanks Hayley!” And quick as a flash, I heard the dial tone. “Ohh!! Mum what are we gonna do?!? What if that creepy Snellbert’s got her!?!?” I shrieked. “You’ve spoken to Lilly’s mum, let her sort it out. Let her call the police. She’s her mum.” My mum said calmly. Kendra arrived at my house and a long two hours passed while we worried, cried, and generally worked ourselves into a hysterical state. We certainly didn’t need any chocolate or red cordial! The phone rang again. Kendra looked at me and I reached out my trembling arm and picked it up. I pressed it to my ear and spoke. “Hello?” My voice was wobbly. It was Lilly! I immediately put it on speakerphone. “Hi Hayley.” She said, she sounded alright. “LILLY!” Kendra and I both screamed at the same time. “Oh hey Kendra, guys what’s the big fuss about. I just went to my dad’s.” “We thought, but, what about Snellbert following you?” I asked quickly. “Oh, well Mr. Snellbert, it turns out he’s my dad’s next door neighbour and they’re pretty good mates…” Lilly trailed off. “Well what about when you called me from your mobile and you said you thought he was following you and then you quickly said you have to go?” I asked her, totally relieved that she was safe. “Oh that, when I said I had to go, it was because my dad drove past in his car and he saw me and his next door neighbour and gave us both a lift. I didn’t realise Mr. S was such a nice dude.” Kendra and I looked at each other, smiled and sighed. And then Lilly asked, “So… Kendra, what happening with Matt?” THE END |
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