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DET Press Release
 Aug 1, 07 - 4:23 PM |
IPL DOG SQUAD
Specially trained dogs would help master teachers deliver lessons to groups of up to 200 students under a plan devised by the Education Department to improve learning in schools. The proposal calls for the creation of an “IPL Dog Handler”, a teacher with the responsibility for delivering an OBE curriculum based on independent learning projects and using a team of dogs to gently remind students to stay on task. The dogs will be chosen for cuteness and obedience. “Children of all ages have an affinity with dogs,” said acting deputy director-general of schools, Mr Newton. “The DET canine learning team will be a positive influence in our difficult-to-staff schools.” The dogs will be trained using links to the thirteen overarching outcome statements. They will use a range of non-coercive and friendly behaviours to motivate students to complete their project work. The proposals are part of a plan to create the world’s finest education system without spending a single cent. “OBE just keeps getting better,” said celebrity director-general Sharyn O’Neill. “Every child is now being given an opportunity to reach their potential in a caring learning environment with a helpful pet by their side.” |
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Rover
Aug 1st, 2007 - 4:26 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
It will never work |
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Rover
Aug 1st, 2007 - 4:28 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
They're Barking up the wrong tree |
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Professional Teacher
Aug 1st, 2007 - 4:43 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
PLATO should stop hounding DET. Give OBE a chance. |
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(red) SET (ter)
Aug 1st, 2007 - 4:56 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Canines should turn out to be more effective than canings. |
Greg Williams
Aug 1st, 2007 - 5:52 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Sounds a bit ruff to me |
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Boxer Dog
Aug 1st, 2007 - 5:56 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
It should be a howling success. |
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Michael Findlay
Aug 1st, 2007 - 6:05 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Brilliant press release. If schools projected lessons from expert teachers (level threes) onto large data screens you could probably teach the whole class of 200 with a couple of Dobermans, some St Bernard’s and a few Golden Retrievers. The whole state could be staffed by one expert for each subject, an ITC guru and dog trainer per school. A chosen elite group of the unemployed teachers could do all the marking on a contract basis. The savings on Human Resources could be spent on a new DET office and a new Parliament building. |
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Boxer Dog
Aug 1st, 2007 - 7:23 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Just in case the students yearn for a bit of disruptive behaviour we could randomly insert a few Jack Russel terriers every now and then to get a bit of barking, yelling and general mayhem. |
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Fred
Aug 1st, 2007 - 7:33 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
This would be enough to make me want to flea. |
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Craig Lucanus
Aug 1st, 2007 - 7:54 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
It's code, IPL OBE DOGMA = "I am a good pleb" the aim of the education system. It's a conspiracy!. |
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Steve
Aug 1st, 2007 - 8:12 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Chemically it sounds like potssium phosphide..K9P |
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Little Jimmy
Aug 1st, 2007 - 10:08 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
"Mum, my English teacher raided my school bag and ate my lunch." |
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Little Mary
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 1:20 AM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
"Mum, we didn't have sport today. The phys-ed teacher was off chasing cars again." |
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Web
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 1:34 AM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
And the best trained and most obedient pooches get promoted to Silver City? |
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SET 7
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 7:24 AM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
"Dad, the teacher who was on playground duty today bit me." "Which one?" "I don't know her name, but she is black and white and comes up to my knees." "Why did she bite you?" "I don't know. All I did was call her a bitch." |
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Primary Teacher2
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 8:31 AM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Please stop hounding the poor old DET |
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Before School Conversation
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 1:30 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Mum: "Why are you taking so many plastic bags to school?" Little Jimmy: "Its my turn to clean up after the teachers." |
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The mole
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 2:52 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Promotion will become a dog eat dog process! 
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Cass
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 3:02 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
It is such a pity that education is going to the dogs. |
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Before School Conversations
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 3:34 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Mum: “Why do you keep taking so many tissues to school?” Little Mary: “I sneeze all day Mum. It’s Miss Fluffy- she’s molting.” |
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SET 2
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 4:11 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Is it time to let sleeping dogs lie? |
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Little Arthur
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 4:14 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
My new maths teacher has claws and big teeth, but if I sneak him a biscuit he lets me play with my nintendo. |
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Captain Grumpy
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 4:15 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Enough is enough. Let's give this thread the bone. |
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SET 1
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 5:04 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
You sound a bit dogmatic. I think we should be dogged and persist with it. |
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Brevin
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 6:10 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
If you thinks things look ruff now, wait and see what will hound you if it goes 'belly up'. |
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Primary Teacher2
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 6:27 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
There's so much talk about this topic ... my voice is going husky |
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Chris Curtis
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 6:43 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
This is an excellent idea. At the end of the year when the government “system” goes into child-minding mode, I used to bring Maximus and Jess to school. The students loved to see them and were far more responsive than they were to me. They only problem was that they could not drive, so I would still have to take them in and pick them up again. Both dogs are registered, so there would no problems with their taking charge of the Basic Outcomes Noodled Education. |
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Boxer
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 8:34 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Fair dinkum, you mongrels are barking mad! Git down, git around the back or you'll all get chained up and no scraps. |
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Darren Welsh
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 8:48 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Chris You said that both your dogs were registered. Do you mean with WACOT? Did they have a full or limited authority to teach? Should dogs be given a 'spot' on the WACOT board? My biggest concern is with this whole proposal is that I would doubt that the RSPCA would permit dogs to work in the conditions that most state school teachers have to work in. |
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Px
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 9:22 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Your dogs will need a police clearance and a working with children card. |
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In the Doghouse
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 10:44 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
I used to be an effective teacher with a well-written syllabus. Now I’m nothing but a DET dogsbody with OBE doggerel. |
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Fanny
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 11:06 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
If you guys and gals don't stop making me laugh I'll have to lift my leg on the nearest desk.......or will you get me a 'kitty' litter tray? |
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Buster
Aug 2nd, 2007 - 11:31 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Doggone it, you teachers have some hide pointing the bone at us hounddogs. What makes you think we want to stop lickin our balls and start teaching baby humans? We sit, we stay, we fetch and we sniff drugs. We dont want to work any harder than that. |
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Chris Curtis
Aug 3rd, 2007 - 9:10 AM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Darren, Maximus and Jess are registered with the Shire of Nillumbik, which has a very efficient process (which I recommend WACOT study). In fact they perform so well with children that they deserve a regular performance boneus. |
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Primary Teacher2
Aug 3rd, 2007 - 10:30 AM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Will the dogs have to go to OBE dience School? |
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Chris Curtis
Aug 3rd, 2007 - 6:27 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Before we get too dogmatic, we need to paws for thought. If this idea is not extended to include felines, it will end in catastrophe. Obviously to get the best out of them, we will need purrformance pay. |
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Rover
Aug 3rd, 2007 - 7:23 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
That'll set the cat among the pigeons. |
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Ian Middleton
Aug 3rd, 2007 - 8:56 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Tried to get my dog, Jess, registered today. I could only score a Provisional Registration to Bark. We have to wait up to 3 years to get her fully registered. But she does have a mentor next door who is teacher her the finer points of dumping on the verandah... |
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Boxer
Aug 4th, 2007 - 5:05 AM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
There'a an idea Rover. Why can't pigeons be included in the mix? I'd be cock a hoop if they could rule the roost. Please don't let any seagills in, they fly about, make a lot of noise, crap on everything and then go somewhere higher up. |
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Fanny
Aug 4th, 2007 - 9:10 AM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
But Boxer that has already happened!, and it wasn't pigeons....... 
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Fanny
Aug 4th, 2007 - 9:11 AM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
...or seagulls..... |
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Dodo
Aug 5th, 2007 - 10:14 AM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Are seagills what flying fish have? |
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Boxer
Aug 5th, 2007 - 4:40 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Sorry Dodo, I mean seagulls, and Fanny, seagulls are exactly what those noisy, messy and ambitious creatures are called. |
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anonymous until proven guilty
Sep 13th, 2008 - 9:48 PM |
Re: IPL DOG SQUAD
Of Dogs and Carps ..... Old Mark McGowan to the elec'tral commission went down To get those poor teachers a bone (no more). But before he got there, Lib electors said "Yair" and gave him a bone of their own. |
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